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Song Parodies -> "Through the Razors and Blades"

Original Song Title:

"Through the Fire and Flames"

Original Performer:

DragonForce

Parody Song Title:

"Through the Razors and Blades"

Parody Written by:

CoriSparx

The Lyrics

(This is absolutely insane.) In a strange alternate world, all of mankind views the Beard as something sacred. It is a symbol of manhood and pride, and all men must never shave their chins. A man without a beard is immediately subjected to the condition of 'shavery', a dreadful state in which a man's rights, possessions and bacon-eating privileges are stripped from him entirely and he must serve in humiliation and shame as a slave until his beard grows back to its length before it was shaven, which can take many years depending on his age. Many would rather die than suffer this fate. However... Using unspeakably dark alchemy, a cult of evildoers have forged cursed razors that leaves any man who has the misfortune of being shaved by them beardless forever! (They're coated in hair removal cream! The horror!) Now, it's up to the Knights of Light to make things right! And stop the evil shavers before it's too late!
Through the cover of darkness,
At the hour of midnight,
An evil force,
Does plot a course,
To trample all that's right!

Doing wrong, clad in cloak and cowl,
Bringing doom to all mankind,
They take a razor to the chin
Of every man they find!

In a panic of tears and fear,
Even grown men scream and flee,
With beard-hair flying everywhere,
The fiends guffaw with glee,

Weilding razor blades, the renegades
Perform their evil deeds,
A hero's beard is what the world now needs!

So by the hairs of our chins,
We stand again, as mighty men!
Risking all our beards for the men that were sheared!

Growing from the sideburns,
Through the sharp and wide turns,
Forward on the foe with chins of steel!

And this I swear by the hairs of my chin,
By the might of our beards we will win!
And though the shadow of shavery has blotted out the sun,
Through the razors and the blades we carry on!!!


Though they've raised up an army,
And there's so much to be feared,
We wage our war
With blades and gore,
'Till the streets run brown with beard!

All you men who can still stand and fight,
With your chin-hairs still intact,
Do raise thy vengeful blades aloft,
For there's no turning back!

With the longest beards, crowds gather here,
To battle to the end!
The time is now,
Our manhood to defend!

So by the hairs of our chins,
We'll make the fiends pay for their sins!
Risking all our beards for the men that were sheared!

Far beyond the IHOP,
Journey toward the barbershop!
WE SHALL END THIS MESS ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

And by the hairs of my chinny-chin-chin,
By the might of our beards we will win!
The world is deep under darkness,
So 'till the break of dawn,
Through the razors and the blades, we carry on!

(*Epic instrumental solo as the knights march off to war against the shavers. A knight stands over a pile of shaven bodies and tufts of beard hair, filled with repentance for what he had to do...*)

...And here we stand with their beards in our hands...
Why must we fight? I just don't understand...
But I will safeguard my beard for as long as I can...
For that is what makes me a man!

And this I swear by the hairs of my chin,
By the might of our beards we will win!
And though the shadow of shavery has blotted out the sun,
Through the razors and the blades we carry on!!!
So yeah, this whole thing was mostly inspired by the Protomen's joke-song Beards Going Nowhere.

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