I am so fat. I weigh four-oh-seven (407).
I am so fat. I weigh four-oh-seven (407).
Four-oh-seven, four-oh seven, five foot three

And he says that a hero can save us.
It will help you control your weight
You can be like Jared Fogle
And watch as the pounds fly away.

Jared told me Subway would save us
Eat a veggie, with lots of lettuce
A sub that's fullfilling, and tastes thrilling
That is his claim

And he says that a hero can save us.
It will help you control your weight
False advertising's illegal
Just how much does this guy get paid?

And now my waist is expanding, here's what I'm demanding you do
You have to stop eating heros, just stuff your face with more food

And I say that a hero can't save us.
It's not gonna make you lose weight
If you sit on the couch and eat Pringles
Your ass will get fatter each day.