**William Shatner (Speaking) & Leonard Nimoy (Singing)**
All the... people in the.... crowd
Sing the "Star Trek" theme out loud

**Shatner**
It's me... against.... the trekkies
It's... just me

**Nimoy**
And me
Hey, Bill

**Shatner**
Hey, Leonard

-Ad libs-

**Together**
Outer space -- we called it the Final Frontier
To heck with fans!
I... told them to.... get-a-life!

**Shatner**
I'm Captain Kirk -- But... that was back in... 1966
He's Mr. Spock -- But he is Leonard Nimoy, too

**Together**
We've gone to the convention 'cause it's in our contracts
The fans are all crazy, don't you know -- something's wrong
Something's definitely wrong

**Shatner**
Not only was I Kirk, but I also played a guy who
Didn't want to fly on the gremlin plane, on the Twilight Zone
On the Twilight Zone
Hey, Hey, Hey

**Together**
All the Trekkies in the crowd
Think I'm... Captain Kirk
Want me... to sing... "Rocketman"!
They are Trekkie jerks
Want the Klingons to get hurt
They're our Trekkie fans
All the people in the crowd
They are rabid fans

**Shatner**
How... would you like... a friendly competition... with... Captain Picard?
I... think he's too... bald
Then Hercules plays me... on the new... "Star Trek: Enterprise"
I'm... on "Boston Legal"

Captain's log: 11399809
"Star Trek" fans obsessed like this should get a life
Priceline.com is what Lenny and I endorse
He're has-beens -- part of pop-culture history

**Together**
We've gone to the convention 'cause it's in our contracts
The fans are all crazy, don't you know -- something's wrong
Something's definitely wrong

**Shatner**
Not only was I Kirk, but I also played a guy who
Didn't want to fly on the gremlin plane, on the Twilight Zone
On the Twilight Zone
Hey, Hey, Hey

**Together**
All the Trekkies in the crowd
Love Picard or Kirk
Nobody loves both of them
TOS is Best
People hate our records much
But.... Shatner..... doesn't sing
All the lyrics spoken word
With instrumentation

Scott, beam us up
Chekov's in control
Sulu's signing autographs
And Bones is dead, Jim
If you wanna party, don't be a Trekkie
'Cause you'll be watching "Star Trek" all night long

**Nimoy**
Hey, Shatner, you say you wanna lose control
I cannot believe that -- it's highly illogical
William Shatner, you wanna kill some classic songs?
There's "Everytime," "Stairway to Heaven," and "Freebird"

All the Trekkies in the house -- Made this song so long
It would be eight minutes long [if] not [for the] three-minute rule
Let this be the final line -- I'll go take a nap
(The instrumentation fills in for the missing lyrics, followed by a shredding, cheesy guitar solo reminiscent of 1980s hair metal)

(Leonard leaves the convention exhausted from excessive singing, running, and dancing. Shatner tells Trekkies to "Get a life already!")

(Shatner repeats the fiurst two choruses until he's blue in the face!)

"How could Britney sing so many lyrics in three minutes! I'm going home to take a nap! I give up!"