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Song Parodies -> "(I Ain't) Not Impaired"

Original Song Title:

"Never Scared"

Original Performer:

Bone Crusher

Parody Song Title:

"(I Ain't) Not Impaired"

Parody Written by:

The Invincible

The Lyrics

This is it: My third triumphant return to parody. This work is dedicated to those who D.U.I.
Yea! 'dis drink gon' be my last one, swears man,
HUH?, man what the... lemme talk to the wimp h'yah
How drunk you really gettin' up in this... nah'm sayin?
C'mon man...ya know, ole punk fool 5-0 pig stump, we on the road losers...
That don't mean nuthin', man
I'm gon' hit that wuss, I swear!
Yo, lemme show I-95 how hard this liquor is!!!

So I'm outside of da club and I'm blind stinkin' drunk
So I go to my loaded Explorer and sleep in the trunk
I told them fools up in here
I ain't not impaired (left foot!)
I ain't not impaired (right foot!)
I ain't not impaired (left hand!)
I ain't not impaired (right hand!)
I ain't not impaired (left eye!)
I ain't not impaired (right eye!)
I ain't not impaired (let's ride!)

Let da whiskey go owwww! Pain in yo melon
Now the brain cells is leavin' and yo breath is repellin'
ConsumpCHUNNN! Oh man, now the whole room spinnin'
You ain't thinkin' no more now is ya? Lil' wuss!
Got'em runnin to the ... LAVATORY!
Cuz what we put in him made him ummm...VOMITORY!
Now on dat drank and I'm about to tank
My ride's runnin' empty and I'll share some of its drank

Now I'm back out on the street an' I'm point 28
So everybody on the road better get out da way
I give the bird to all 'dem
I ain't not impaired (which side?)
I ain't not impaired (blind side!)
I ain't not impaired (white lines?)
I ain't not impaired (what lines?)
I ain't not impaired (I'm fine!)
I ain't not impaired (bright lights!)
I ain't not impaired (I'm blind!)

I got a lotta heavers, had too much Tequila
Knocked down Apple Schnapps by the gallon with twenty Beefeaters
Red Cross can't save 'em, by the pint, my big bros by the liter
I'm gonna beat her, my irkin' siren
On liquor, so pray I don't hit ya
No matter yo poison, like Miller, Jaeger or Morgan
I'm indiscriminate with alcohol, I said they're all to my likin'
My bottles be pilin' up and
I don't care 'bout Ozone, don't believe in recyclin'!

So on one side of the road said I swear I'm not drunk
So he said "Please exit your vehicle, open the trunk"
I had ten cases in it
I ain't not impaired (oh those?)
I ain't not impaired (my nose!)
I ain't not impaired (my toes!)
I ain't not impaired (straight line!)
I ain't not impaired (what line?)
I ain't not impaired (bad sign!)
I ain't not impaired (canines!)

Noooooo, I can't stand, just can't walk no line or talk straight
And I'm not done yet, find me shots, about six or eight
If you smash like me when you see me, you might make my list
I'll knock all out who offer me damn Arbor Mist
You betta tell these barkeeps that when I drink I don't play
I do more alcohol than an Irishman on payday
But I don't make it a me on drugs situation
I'd rather have me down for D.U.I. citations
Like, insane in the brain, but they don't think I can save it
Not the way I was staggerin' and fallin' on the pavement
I'll tell you wha, if I make it, call me saddles cuz I'm blazin'
Find out that my brewskis might explain the hell I was raisin'
Just did some Daqs and I was done now I'm cravin the
Best for last, gimme rounds of Jack
Like You Don't Know, that's my buzz, itz best you just let me be
Cuz I singlehanded gave the ATF more pocket money!

So the guy that drivin me home, said I'm bein' a punk
So I left some stuff in his car, stank yellow-orange gunk
That had some chicken in it
I ain't not impaired (red eyes!)
I ain't not impaired (rolled eyes!)
I ain't not impaired (capsized!)
I ain't not impaired (draw flies!)
I ain't not impaired (hey guys!)
I ain't not impaired (back seat!)
I ain't not impaired (surprise!)

YEA LIQUA! Just take one down and pass it around!
We the real drinkaz! All you hatin' teatottlers, underage heavers...
Step back, yo bouncas! Listen closely...
We ain't not impaired by none of our liqours!
4-0, Orange Crushes, Triple Black, just chug 'em all down-a!

When I go out to the club said I get my drink on
So when I leave I'm hittin the streets, but my ride is gone
Or forgot where I parked it
I ain't not impaired (my ride!)
I ain't not impaired (I tried!)
I ain't not impaired (my fly!)
I ain't not impaired (untied!)
I ain't not impaired (must hide!)
I ain't not impaired (no pride!)
I ain't not impaired (fun size!)

There some days I wake up, feels like my brain is gone
And I found that I spent the night sleepin' on the front lawn
Vomit stains on my shirt but...
Still ain't not impaired (headaches!)
Still ain't not impaired (lawn rakes!)
Still ain't not impaired (scratch face!)
Still ain't not impaired (can't wake!)
Still ain't not impaired (weight gain!)
Still ain't not impaired (now rain!)
Still ain't not impaired (big pain!)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - September 18, 2004 - Report this comment
(Rap Parody) Sick! Ill! Inebriated!...err, scrap that one. Some brilliant rhyming here, and enough humour to intoxicate a beaver. Please blow into this sir... oh my, it reads 5-5-5!
Agrimorfee - September 21, 2004 - Report this comment
(Rap #1) I liked it, DKTOS, but I felt like i was hearing the original rapper getting goofy. I could hear the sirens of the police car in my head during the chorus. It sounded like a genuine rap song, that's cool. 454
Claude Prez - September 24, 2004 - Report this comment
Some excellent rhymes; funny stuff (fun size!)
Johnny D - September 25, 2004 - Report this comment
(Rap) The parenthetical rhymes are very cool.
martha - September 26, 2004 - Report this comment
excellent description of a good night out!!! clever and imaginative wordplay here
Know 1 can hear you dream - September 26, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but what Agrimorfee said! :-)
Jeff Reuben - September 27, 2004 - Report this comment
Good job, enjoyed this one!
RAP PARODY COMPETITION BRONZE MEDAL - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Equal 3rd place,3686.0.html
BLO-TOWN - October 01, 2004 - Report this comment
"excellent description of a good night out!!! clever and imaginative wordplay here" What kind of comment is that? You can really tell when white people post eh?

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

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