(Buy my underwear-o! The underwear king! What is this, it's not possible!)

See the freaky old man
In his creaky old van
You know what he's selling?
Lotsa kinky undies, man!
In the middle of the flea market
Buyers are bound
To put these panties (panties, panties, panties) on their can
Oy vey, profound, huh?
Satin jockeys I have found (hotcha!)
Little dainty thingies with straps that hang down
But they never ride up. Satisfaction
Is guaranteed. Lotsa great sales

My underwear-o
Is so muy bueno (underwear-o!)
My underwear-o
Like Bob DeNiro

Some designs are in no stores
Some have Yoda from Star Wars
Some have zippers with plastic tags
Some have no crotch, some hide love handles
Then a customer says, "Np Speedos?"
"Quality's so-so, your testicles squeezing.
Better let them do do da run do run, in the sun! Right son?"

Hey yo, what you selling?
My underwear-o
Victor makes a killing
Mucho dinero

(brief sounds of lady customers fighting over heavily sought-after items from Berlei, Gossard, Chantelle, and Passionata...)

Gals and guys, I'll take now pre-pay
In the fall I'm gonna sell briefs you eat--eh!
Let go ladies!
You senoras, will you please stop?
Yes indeed, the fabric's porous (Huh?)

My underwear-o
Causes a ruckus
My underwear-o
They all say, "Buy us!"

See the freaky old man...

My underwear-o
Is so muy bueno
My underwear-o
Like Bob DeNiro

(under instrumental, a drunken man with a Hispanic accent :)

BVDs, Calvin Klein, Jockey, Victoria's Secret, Hanes, man I got it all, hombre! Show your sweetie how much you love her...I'm gonna sell popsicles and Yanni tapes next week...