I was gonna wash all the clothes
No that is a lie
But I was gonna do a load
And hang it to dry
Now your underwear is all green
and we know why
Because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy

I was gonna cook dinner for you
and wear a nice tie
I was gonna wash the dishes too
again that's a lie
Now pass me my Big Mac
And my large fry
Because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy

I was gonna take you to a movie so deep
That we would both cry
It was gonna star Meryl Streep
And someone who'd die
Now we're at Matrix 2
--Keanu can fly--
Because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy

I was gonna stop at the store
I can't recall why
I forget everything anymore
I try and I try
But if it is something like sports
It doesn't apply
Because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy

I was gonna visit your family
The stakes were so high
I was gonna behave flawlessly
And that is no lie
Now I'm lookin at your sister
But not in the eye
Because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy

I was gonna conversate with you
But I was too shy
I was gonna share my feelings too
But I'd rather die
Now when I try to get in your pants
my tongue will untie
Because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy

I was gonna get the kids to school
and clean up this sty
Because that Social Services fool
Is gonna drop by
Now we all woke up at noon
And we're eatin' pie
Because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy

I was gonna write a romantic song
About you and I
I was gonna bring my guitar along
And strongly imply
that we will be together forever
instead it's goodbye
Because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy, because I'm a guy