[OK, this I don't understand, why bad things happen to good people
like me. You gotta realize how many times I dies...]

I was running around, zoom zoom (Not gonna go bye)
But then my ulcer went kaboom (I hope I won't fry)
And now I'm in the ER, I don't know why (Yeah YEAH)
[What now?]
But now I'm gonna
But now I'm gonna
But now I'm gonna die (Die-ap-bap-bap-bap)

I was always a good bowla (Not gonna go bye)
[Yeah, sure. Any 300s?]
That is, until I got Ebola (I hope I won't fry)
Now I'm unconscious on the floor, I don't know why (Yeah YEAH)
[What now?]
But now I'm gonna
But now I'm gonna
But now I'm gonna die (Die-ap-bap-bap-bap)
[Hey, does anyone know what a giraffe sounds like?]

I always acted like a jerk (Not gonna go bye)
But suddenly I can't get my limbs to work (I hope I won't fry)
I thought Polio was a kids' disease, I don't know why (Yeah YEAH)
[What now?]
But now I'm gonna
But now I'm gonna
But now I'm gonna die (Die-ap-bap-bap-bap)

As I started to drink a beer (Not gonna go bye)
I felt this pain coming from my ear (I hope I won't fry)
[Ear pain? Who cares?]
Turns out I had this flesh-eating virus, I don't know why (Yeah YEAH)
[What now?]
And now I'm gonna
And now I'm gonna
And now I'm gonna die (Die-ap-bap-bap-bap)

I was just a-walking down to Mert's (Not gonna go bye)
[Good stuff, good stuff.]
Spontaneous combustion really hurts (I guess I did fry)
Now I'm a pile of ashes, I don't know why (Yeah YEAH)
[What now?]
So now I'm gonna
So now I'm gonna
So now I'm gonna die (Die-ap-bap-bap-bap)

I had this collection of pens (Not gonna go bye)
[Pens?! Weird guy.]
I sat down and one went through my rear end (I hope I won't fry)
No proctologists within a mile, I don't know why (Yeah YEAH)
[What now?]
So now I'm gonna
So now I'm gonna
So now I'm gonna die (Die-ap-bap-bap-bap)

I was gonna make toast for you (Not gonna go bye)
But, you see, I ate your serving too (I hope I won't fry)
And now I'm choking on it, I don't know why (Yeah YEAH)
[Just dumb!]
And now I'm gonna [what?]
And now I'm gonna [what?]
And now I'm gonna die (Die-ap-bap-bap-bap)

I lost my entire life (Because I went bye)
If at least I would had a wife... (But I went and fried)
[Is this guy unlucky or what?!]
Now I'm sleeping six feet under, I don't know why
[Why, man?]
Cause I died

I'm-a stop singing this song (Because I died)
I'm thinking this whole thing's wrong (Because I died)
And if I come back to life, I won't know why (Yeah YEAH)
[Why, man]
Cause I died
[Are you really dead, though, man?]
Cause I went and
Cause I went and
Cause I went and died (Die-ap-bap-bap-bap)

[Anyone get to the giraffe thing?]
[I got one, let the guy talk first.]

Well my name is Kewlio and I'm from New Brunswick, man. (NB, CA)
And all of these deaths are worse than Al in that can. (Prince Soup,
no good)
I don't believe in Santa, that's what I said. (Oh my goodness!)
So everyone just leave me be (Leave!), I'm already dead.

[ (as if there were three people (including me) talking)
1: OK, so whatcha got?
2: I think it goes-- muuuuh, muuh
1: That's a cow, man.
2: And you can do better?
1: Yes.
..
2: Anytime now.
1: No, that's what it sounds like.
K: Come on, it's gotta sound like something.
2: How'd we get into this?
K: Halfway through the song, pretty much.
1: And I know who said it!
All (pointing someone different): YOU!
(argument)
K: HEY! The song's over.
1: Oh, OK.
..
2: No, I'm sure it was you, Kewlio.
K: Was not!
(argument until fade-out)
]